Self-Sabotage at The Holidays & How to Avoid it

     It is at this time of the year, the Solstice (the shortest day & the darkest night), that many people take a long hard look at their childhood and their family dynamics and begin to self-talk about the negative and the past. I wish that I had a "magic eraser" or a device like the one in the movie "Men in Black" that could make all recollection of the past disappear for them. The truth is that there are no perfect childhoods, and no perfect families. Trust me on this concept, I have a "bird's eye view" from my reading table.

     Consider this, we remember our childhood through an "imperfect lens" called adulthood. If our childhood was perceived as "very good" it was because we had no responsibilities per say. If you think about it carefully, you will recall no mortgage that you had to pay or rent for that matter. You really had no pressing responsibilities. Your parents carried the burden of these things for you and created a "perfect bubble" to grow up in. So, if your childhood seemed easy, it was!!!

     If you had a less fortunate circumstance that you grew up in, say you only had one parent or lived in poverty, you may see the world through that microcosm which is not the macrocosm. By this I mean that you may see the world as a hard place to navigate based upon your experience during your childhood. Your childhood is the only reference point that you have to go on when making this deduction. But is your childhood the reality of the world as a whole? If perception is reality, then you believe that your perception is correct. But is it really?

     I have been graced with a larger perspective of the human condition based on my being able to step back while doing "the readings" to really "see" what the truth is about people's lives. People aren't perfect, families aren't perfect, and life is imperfect. Self-sabotage comes from a place of ego based reality. We get in our heads about what people must think about us. We don't like the way we look let's say….too fat or too thin. Too short or too tall. Teeth not white enough, hair too thin. You get my drift. Again, we are "in the forest" and cannot see through the trees. Even I, as psychic as I am, have made BIG MISTAKES in my life. (Just ask my mother…LOL) Why? Mostly because I trusted my limited perception as my reality.

If you find yourself isolating, and judging yourself harshly, remember that people really only care about what affects them. Trust me, they are not thinking about the 10-20lbs you have on your hips…they are thinking about their hips and their weight!  I call this the "Look at me now" syndrome. Lucky for us all that people are universally self-consumed.

Go easy on yourself this holiday season. It is all perpetuated by consumerism at this juncture. Reach out to someone less fortunate than yourself. You don't have to give a gift of anything more than your time and your company. Loneliness in America runs rampant. When we give of ourselves to others, we forget about our own troubles.

I wish for all of you PEACE ~ Inner Peace~ this holiday season.

In the Light ~ Karen

Taking Time for Reflection

How many of you feel that you have little or no time to reflect on anything or anyone on any given day?

Our society is in "fast forward" mode, and we have lost site of what the entire purpose of living is meant to be about. If you ask yourself how you define success, you might find that your daily activities are not lining up with what you value. I recently spoke with a man who had achieved great financial success, but had a nagging sense of unhappiness that he could not isolate the reason for on his own. This man owned and rented out many homes, timeshares, etc...was self-employed, had grown and successful children, and a long standing marriage. On the surface, all should have been "sweetness & light"based on these these measurements of success.

I asked the Tarot for wisdom on the source of his unhappiness, and it answered with the five of cups.

This card can be interpreted as having regrets. So I asked this man what he regretted most. He told me that although he had achieved material success, he wanted to feel that when he died he would be remembered as a good father and husband. So, I asked him why he felt that this might not be the case as all indicators of success were in his life. He told me that he had missed the point of having children. He had never taken the time for a family vacation to make memories that would sustain him as he aged. He couldn't think of one baseball game that he had attended with his son. If it weren't for his wife's insistence, he might have missed his daughter's high school graduation. His sole focus was on providing for his family, but he had forgotten to provide "emotional support" for them as well. Although married on paper, he was not "married in his heart." His wife "did her own thing." His children now focused solely on material success, and had no time for "dear old dad." After all, he had taught them well......Children learn from watching what you do, and not on what you say!

We spoke about many things during his reading, but the most important thing that came out of his reading was that he decided to sell most of his properties and focus on his marriage and on his grandchildren. This man realized that all the material wealth in the world could not make up for taking the time, which was now so precious to him, to reflect and rebuild relationships that he had left to languish. 

• If you are experiencing a lack of happiness, ask yourself what legacy you want to leave in this world?
• Were you a good friend, partner, father, mother, son or daughter?
• Have you achieved some small success by singing, dancing, or whatever your passion?
• Are there places in the world that you would like to travel to see?
• What is on your "bucket list" that you need to act on now?

The time to enjoy is now! Be present in the moment! Be happy with what you have, and not unhappy because you do not have! Let go of regret, and replace with gratitude. This is the day that the creator has made, rejoice and be glad.....

~In the Light......Karen

Mom or Dad Loved You Best & Other Family Dynamics

A chapter in the book that I am currently finishing writing deals with the emotions surrounding inheritance struggles, and other dysfunctional family dynamics that affect more of the population than you can imagine. As the economy has become more challenging, and the "boomer" generation has aged. I have had a steady stream of clients into my office who are questioning their parent's love for them based on what is left materially for them after a parent passes on.

In families of two children or more, there often is at least one child who has taken it upon himself to either become a drug addict, thief, or someone who just doesn't ever seem to "grow up" and take on responsibility. I know that sounds drastic and harsh, but it is true. The other child/children in the family end up taking care of the aging parent until their death and then the squabbling begins. At the root of all of this controversy is "who mom/dad loved best." This is often determined by how money was given in times of struggle while the parent was alive, and how the final division was executed after the parent's demise.
EXAMPLES:
I have seen wills that have been changed to exclude siblings an hour before the person died. I have heard about houses that have been emptied and the contents sold before the probate court has had the opportunity to disperse and execute the signed WILL. (Against the law....by the way) Step-parents who have excluded biological children because they did not "welcome" them when they started dating the now deceased bio-mom/dad. Parents who intentionally excluded children from their wills who did not do "exactly what they were told to do" for a career, or who married someone of a different nationality or faith than the parent wanted. I have seen a sibling leverage other siblings and have them sign over property, worth at least a million dollars, by threatening to "not take care of their mother." By the way, this person was the only one with the financial means to take care of mom. No surprise that she got away with it.

YES, this does go on in your town every day!

If you or your siblings are in an unhealthy family dynamic, I would urge you to really think through how you want to handle yourself during these times of stress. You will not change your parents, and you will not change your siblings. You can, however, absent yourself from this ridiculousness and chalk it up to greed, sloth, and envy. Remember, money and notoriety makes people crazy. Nobody earns an inheritance! Money does not equal love. It may signal "control issues," but it is not love.
My advice based on the years of watching these family dynamics play out is to "walk away" emotionally, protect yourself legally, and pray that in your "heart of hearts" that you will have conducted yourself in a manner that is without regret. I will leave you with this quote below to ponder on this subject. ~ Blessings, Karen

“People die all the time. Life is a lot more fragile than we think. So you should treat others in a way that leaves no regrets. Fairly, and if possible, sincerely. It's too easy not to make the effort, then weep and wring your hands after the person dies.” 
― Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance

When you are torn between two of something

Many of my clients come to my office because the men/women that they chose in their youth are not the people that they would choose again as they have aged. Inevitably, they meet another person that makes them feel that "spinning around and in love feeling" that characterizes a new relationship. To complicate matters, they also have children who are pre-adolescents or teenagers. Their spouse has gained weight, lost their hair, their job, and their libido sometimes due to health issues. I empathize with these folks on many different levels. We are all human and as such we fail as we age. We are spiritual, and we sometimes fail in making good spiritual choices for ourselves. One thing that is always brought up when I suggest that love is not leaving when the "going gets tough" is the question: "Don't I deserve to be happy?"Here is a news flash ~ "anyone that you are paying bills and raising children with" will be boring compared to a romantic getaway with a new partner!

In this ME society, we have ceased to focus on the WE that is required as a part of any commitment that we make to another human being. Now, if your partner is a selfish person and completely devoid of wanting to go to therapy to discuss changes. You are in the relationship by yourself! You are either making it better or "rowing the boat alone" as it were. Since a relationship requires two people, you might as well leave and GET HAPPY. However, if you haven't opened your mouth to discuss what is wrong honestly and openly thereby giving your partner the opportunity to change, and you just want to bolt out of the relationship ~ think twice! How would you respond if this were done to you?

Slow down, think twice, finish what you start, and then move on if necessary....

In love & light,

Karen

Relationships: When to Stay & When to Go

Many of you know me all too well. You know that no matter your decisions in life that I will love you just the same. I won't blow "happy gas" up your skirt or tell you that all will be rosy, but you will hear the unvarnished truth and be able to hopefully make better decisions for it. For all those who I may have offended with my compassionate honesty, let me apologize in perpetuity. I don't know how to be any other way.

There are many different types of relationships that we have, but the most painful can often be those that include a boyfriend, significant other, and/or spouse. I joke, lightly, with people in my office that you cannot go back to being just a FRIEND with anyone that you have "swapped spit or sperm" with in the past! Many men see no problem with this theory, but many women do. Even though we are in an age of equal pay under the law and men and women wanting to serve in the same capacity in the military, I will continue to argue that we are trying to change the natural order of humanity when it comes to how men and women see relationships if we cross a certain personal closeness.

There is a wonderful book written by a person who was tortured by the idea of letting go of what she had in order to experience a new relationship. I would like to recommend it now to all of you who are in the "Do I Stay or Do I Go" category.

The book is Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-By-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum. It is in paperback now and I highly recommend it.

If you are in a relationship and spend a fair amount of your time trying to fix it, or in therapy continually, or find yourself more unhappy than happy. Please seek out a therapist that can help you sort through your own feelings. Many women ask "what does he want?" "What will make him happy?" They need to ask themselves, "what do I want?" "What will make me happy?" Many think it selfish to look at their own needs and worry that they will be "alone forever" if they choose to end a miserable situation. If we face many of our fears "head on" we see that they are unreasonable. There is a "cover for every pot" as my grandmother used to say. If you truly want a relationship, a real relationship, you can have one. No matter your age, girth, social status, etc... All of these obstacles are ego driven and other centered.

Embrace who you are. Don't spend another moment unhappy. Today is the day that God has made for you. No one, not even a good psychic like myself, can predict how many more days you have to be happy here on earth. Seize the moment.

In the Light ~ Karen

"What Others Think of You Is None Of Your Business"

A fair amount of my clients come to my reading table in visible and palpable emotional pain. Much of their pain is due to what they perceive as judgments about them that originate from co-workers, friends and/or family. A famous international medium, James Van Praagh, once said in a workshop that I attended: "What Others Think of You Is None Of Your Business." I thought that it was one of the most wonderful and useful statements that I had ever heard. It took a bit to wrap my mind around its meaning, but once I embraced it I found peace in its simplicity.

If you truly embrace the idea that other people's judgments on you have no power over you, unless you allow it, you can come to a place of inner peace.

 It becomes a bit more difficult when you are dealing with family members, but it can be done. I often say that high expectations of others can lead to disappointment and many clients look at me quizzically. What I am really saying is that we can only be responsible for ourselves. We can HOPE that others live up to our expectations, but if they do not, who is at fault? Them for not living up to our expectations? Or us for placing those expectations on them?

A good example is the person who is truly emotionally hurt by a person they care about not sending them a greeting card, or recognizing a special event in their life. Should that person recognize your special life event? Perhaps, but if we let go of the expectation that they MUST do what we want them to do we will avoid the hurt and disappointment. Judgments, expectations, all create pain in life.

On another note, as I have become more well known and somewhat successful in my life's work I have found people that I have trusted and cared about being very unkind toward me. Some organizations have not welcomed me back out of jealousy and judgment, and that has hurt tremendously. Again, James' words have rung in my ears: "What other people think of you, Karen, is none of your business." 

Be yourself, laugh out loud, love deeply, let go of expectations/judgments, and remember that as you become more successful in your own life there will always be those who seek the darkness. Show them the light!

Namaste ~ Karen

When Readings Don't Reveal All

Recently,

I had a very good client of mine come in for a reading about her life and someone dear to her in her life that was experiencing addictive behaviors. Naturally, she loves him and needed to know if this nightmare of addiction was getting progressively better. Many of you know that I prefer to use the Mary Hanson-Roberts Deck because it has within it a "To All Believers" card that most traditional Tarot decks do not have. The "To All Believers" card is the card that says: STOP! You are not God, and you are not meant to know everything that there is to know at this time.

How maddening for someone like myself who likes to pride themselves on knowing most of the time what is to come!

Yes, it is true. I have been humbled once again by the power of the unknowable. The cards indicated that the person was running away emotionally by revealing the eight of cups. No kidding, I replied in my conscious mind, but TELL ME if he is getting better. The "To All Believers" card came up again. Why can't I know was my sub-conscious reply? The Judgement card appeared. I won't judge him, if that is the Karmic path, just tell me so that I can direct my client I answered obstinately. The Sun card emerged. I erred on the side of optimism given the absence of the Devil card or the five of cups which would indicate hidden addictions. I think he is going to be o.k. - came out of my mouth. I believe it will be better.

Long story short, I was wrong. True, it was not pretty. WRONG. Gosh how it hurts to say those words. The young man relapsed that very night. So, why did the Sun Card emerge to give her hope and optimism when this event was going to take place. I forced the cards to give me an answer that I wanted to hear. When the "To All Believers" card emerged 2X I couldn't bear not knowing and I "pushed the Universe." So, it lead me to believe that all would be well in the end. That may be so, but for today it is not and it always hurts to make a mistake. The lesson in all this is for us to remember that it is ALWAYS going to be O.K. eventually! I truly believe that this strong individual has a great chance at kicking this habit, but it is true that it is up to him, not his wife, not a psychic, nobody but his free will choice can save him from his future. He may have been deciding at the very moment that I asked the question to relapse that evening. His FREE WILL may have been hiding the truth. I have had this happen when I tap into a person's energy and they show up as either the Queen of Swords or the King of Swords to the High Priestess (me). Essentially, what that means is STAY OUT of my energy. Sometimes I honor that choice, but when I don't honor the "stay out" in the name of KNOWING out of someone else's love for that person, I can be wrong.

From now on......if the card of "you are not meant to know" is shown I will obediently answer, humbly,  I don't know.

Humans, even psychic humans, are fallible.  Namaste ~ Karen