Friday, March 11, 2016

Finding Love ~ Soul Mates, Twin Flames, & other Fairy Tales!

In this crazy world where divorce and separation happen all to often to those we love, what does it take to find the love of your life? Would it surprise you to know that the words patience, perseverance, and courage apply when looking for love in 2016?

Social Media has given the illusion that we are globally connected because we can comment Facebook with regard to a photo posted by a friend, Tweet about something interesting, and Tinder whether we are looking for love. When we use the words "Soul Mate," and/or "Twin Flames" we are creating an expectation of perfection in another human being that I would argue does not exist. Our grandparents, and their grandparents, did not have this same high expectation of love in the past. People met, fell in love, settled into a routine, and sometimes got complacent in their marriages/relationships but this did not mean that they did not love their partners.

Today, we expect our prospective partner to know what we need physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually before we say what we need. Is that realistic? To expect that the "spinning around in love kind of love" will last forever? I would suggest that these phrases do more harm than good in today's world. Men and women are switching roles, shouldering more debt, working more hours, spending less time making memories with their children, and then they are expected to be their partner's "Soul Mate" every day of their lives. If not, we divorce too quickly. Cheat too readily. Leave children torn between two parents, and wonder why at mid-life there are so many suicides, and addictions in the world.

The way to love is to show patience and kindness to your partner/spouse. The words please and thank you need to be a part of our lexicon and daily home life. Children know who tuck them in at night and who actually cares whether their lunch is made, or provided. FaceTime is not a substitute for parenting in person. The words you look handsome today or pretty are always nice to hear. Balance in all things.

Finding love may mean taking up a new hobby, getting off your couch, learning a new skill set, going to an event, signing up for a seminar, having coffee with friends who know other friends, or just plain making room in our lives. There is no magical way to meet the love of your life. If you are older, and hopefully wiser, you will need to decide out of your list of "must haves" what is most important in a significant other and maybe even need to compromise if you want that companion in your life. The most important thing that you can do when looking for a life partner is to know what you will and will not tolerate. If someone is inconsistent in their pursuit of you, they don't value moving the relationship forward enough. Let them go. If they are too broken to truly commit or love again. Let them go. If they value money too much and say they will never commit or marry again, believe them and move on. I believe that there are people that are still honest and have integrity in the world, but they are not going to "parachute" in onto your couch on a Saturday night unexpectedly. If you are committed to finding the right person for you, then value yourself enough to commit to putting some effort into the search. You have a job opening entitled "love of your life" ~ people have a resume, "themselves" and either they qualify or they don't. Take back your power, and live your life courageously. Make it happen for you by committing yourself to being open to new friends.

Remember, "dreams do come true and it can happen to you if you are young at heart!"

 Sometimes, Cinderella does really find her Prince or Princess but be prepared to kiss ALOT of Frogs!

~ In the Light ~ Karen

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