When you are torn between two of something

Many of my clients come to my office because the men/women that they chose in their youth are not the people that they would choose again as they have aged. Inevitably, they meet another person that makes them feel that "spinning around and in love feeling" that characterizes a new relationship. To complicate matters, they also have children who are pre-adolescents or teenagers. Their spouse has gained weight, lost their hair, their job, and their libido sometimes due to health issues. I empathize with these folks on many different levels. We are all human and as such we fail as we age. We are spiritual, and we sometimes fail in making good spiritual choices for ourselves. One thing that is always brought up when I suggest that love is not leaving when the "going gets tough" is the question: "Don't I deserve to be happy?"Here is a news flash ~ "anyone that you are paying bills and raising children with" will be boring compared to a romantic getaway with a new partner!

In this ME society, we have ceased to focus on the WE that is required as a part of any commitment that we make to another human being. Now, if your partner is a selfish person and completely devoid of wanting to go to therapy to discuss changes. You are in the relationship by yourself! You are either making it better or "rowing the boat alone" as it were. Since a relationship requires two people, you might as well leave and GET HAPPY. However, if you haven't opened your mouth to discuss what is wrong honestly and openly thereby giving your partner the opportunity to change, and you just want to bolt out of the relationship ~ think twice! How would you respond if this were done to you?

Slow down, think twice, finish what you start, and then move on if necessary....

In love & light,

Karen

Relationships: When to Stay & When to Go

Many of you know me all too well. You know that no matter your decisions in life that I will love you just the same. I won't blow "happy gas" up your skirt or tell you that all will be rosy, but you will hear the unvarnished truth and be able to hopefully make better decisions for it. For all those who I may have offended with my compassionate honesty, let me apologize in perpetuity. I don't know how to be any other way.

There are many different types of relationships that we have, but the most painful can often be those that include a boyfriend, significant other, and/or spouse. I joke, lightly, with people in my office that you cannot go back to being just a FRIEND with anyone that you have "swapped spit or sperm" with in the past! Many men see no problem with this theory, but many women do. Even though we are in an age of equal pay under the law and men and women wanting to serve in the same capacity in the military, I will continue to argue that we are trying to change the natural order of humanity when it comes to how men and women see relationships if we cross a certain personal closeness.

There is a wonderful book written by a person who was tortured by the idea of letting go of what she had in order to experience a new relationship. I would like to recommend it now to all of you who are in the "Do I Stay or Do I Go" category.

The book is Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-By-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum. It is in paperback now and I highly recommend it.

If you are in a relationship and spend a fair amount of your time trying to fix it, or in therapy continually, or find yourself more unhappy than happy. Please seek out a therapist that can help you sort through your own feelings. Many women ask "what does he want?" "What will make him happy?" They need to ask themselves, "what do I want?" "What will make me happy?" Many think it selfish to look at their own needs and worry that they will be "alone forever" if they choose to end a miserable situation. If we face many of our fears "head on" we see that they are unreasonable. There is a "cover for every pot" as my grandmother used to say. If you truly want a relationship, a real relationship, you can have one. No matter your age, girth, social status, etc... All of these obstacles are ego driven and other centered.

Embrace who you are. Don't spend another moment unhappy. Today is the day that God has made for you. No one, not even a good psychic like myself, can predict how many more days you have to be happy here on earth. Seize the moment.

In the Light ~ Karen

"What Others Think of You Is None Of Your Business"

A fair amount of my clients come to my reading table in visible and palpable emotional pain. Much of their pain is due to what they perceive as judgments about them that originate from co-workers, friends and/or family. A famous international medium, James Van Praagh, once said in a workshop that I attended: "What Others Think of You Is None Of Your Business." I thought that it was one of the most wonderful and useful statements that I had ever heard. It took a bit to wrap my mind around its meaning, but once I embraced it I found peace in its simplicity.

If you truly embrace the idea that other people's judgments on you have no power over you, unless you allow it, you can come to a place of inner peace.

 It becomes a bit more difficult when you are dealing with family members, but it can be done. I often say that high expectations of others can lead to disappointment and many clients look at me quizzically. What I am really saying is that we can only be responsible for ourselves. We can HOPE that others live up to our expectations, but if they do not, who is at fault? Them for not living up to our expectations? Or us for placing those expectations on them?

A good example is the person who is truly emotionally hurt by a person they care about not sending them a greeting card, or recognizing a special event in their life. Should that person recognize your special life event? Perhaps, but if we let go of the expectation that they MUST do what we want them to do we will avoid the hurt and disappointment. Judgments, expectations, all create pain in life.

On another note, as I have become more well known and somewhat successful in my life's work I have found people that I have trusted and cared about being very unkind toward me. Some organizations have not welcomed me back out of jealousy and judgment, and that has hurt tremendously. Again, James' words have rung in my ears: "What other people think of you, Karen, is none of your business." 

Be yourself, laugh out loud, love deeply, let go of expectations/judgments, and remember that as you become more successful in your own life there will always be those who seek the darkness. Show them the light!

Namaste ~ Karen

When Readings Don't Reveal All

Recently,

I had a very good client of mine come in for a reading about her life and someone dear to her in her life that was experiencing addictive behaviors. Naturally, she loves him and needed to know if this nightmare of addiction was getting progressively better. Many of you know that I prefer to use the Mary Hanson-Roberts Deck because it has within it a "To All Believers" card that most traditional Tarot decks do not have. The "To All Believers" card is the card that says: STOP! You are not God, and you are not meant to know everything that there is to know at this time.

How maddening for someone like myself who likes to pride themselves on knowing most of the time what is to come!

Yes, it is true. I have been humbled once again by the power of the unknowable. The cards indicated that the person was running away emotionally by revealing the eight of cups. No kidding, I replied in my conscious mind, but TELL ME if he is getting better. The "To All Believers" card came up again. Why can't I know was my sub-conscious reply? The Judgement card appeared. I won't judge him, if that is the Karmic path, just tell me so that I can direct my client I answered obstinately. The Sun card emerged. I erred on the side of optimism given the absence of the Devil card or the five of cups which would indicate hidden addictions. I think he is going to be o.k. - came out of my mouth. I believe it will be better.

Long story short, I was wrong. True, it was not pretty. WRONG. Gosh how it hurts to say those words. The young man relapsed that very night. So, why did the Sun Card emerge to give her hope and optimism when this event was going to take place. I forced the cards to give me an answer that I wanted to hear. When the "To All Believers" card emerged 2X I couldn't bear not knowing and I "pushed the Universe." So, it lead me to believe that all would be well in the end. That may be so, but for today it is not and it always hurts to make a mistake. The lesson in all this is for us to remember that it is ALWAYS going to be O.K. eventually! I truly believe that this strong individual has a great chance at kicking this habit, but it is true that it is up to him, not his wife, not a psychic, nobody but his free will choice can save him from his future. He may have been deciding at the very moment that I asked the question to relapse that evening. His FREE WILL may have been hiding the truth. I have had this happen when I tap into a person's energy and they show up as either the Queen of Swords or the King of Swords to the High Priestess (me). Essentially, what that means is STAY OUT of my energy. Sometimes I honor that choice, but when I don't honor the "stay out" in the name of KNOWING out of someone else's love for that person, I can be wrong.

From now on......if the card of "you are not meant to know" is shown I will obediently answer, humbly,  I don't know.

Humans, even psychic humans, are fallible.  Namaste ~ Karen

Honoring Ancestors - Honoring Yourself

It is that time of the year when we begin to honor the introspective side to ourselves what with winter upon us and Halloween just having passed.
I just recently moved and found a box of old photographs of loved ones who have since passed on and it brought a tear to my eyes. Honoring our ancestors can bring us renewed perspective and peace within our own lives. These are tumultuous times that we live in, but if we put it in perspective it is no more or less disconcerting than what many of our relatives experienced in their lifetimes. As an example, my grand father was born in 1901 and went through the Great Depression 1929 to 1941, World War I which began in 1914 and lasted until 1918, and World War II which began in 1939 and lasted until 1945. I think back to all that he saw and experienced and I think to myself that life is not nearly as hard although it can seem that way at times. Perspective is an important part of living in reality.

If you are experiencing trouble with your job, your children, or with your significant other, it would be worthwhile to sit for a moment and think about all that you have to be thankful for. I am not going to turn this into a "focus on the positive" blog, but I wanted to remind you all that the Universe gives you more of what you focus on....so - Focus on the good stuff!

Namaste~ Karen

Getting rid of the old to make room for the new!

I am writing this post because I have spent many hours with tears in my eyes working through the process of getting rid of the old to make room for the new. It seems like yesterday that I moved from Colorado back to Connecticut with a tiny baby girl over my shoulder, a divorce decree, (with the ink barely dry), in my hands, and a depression so dark and so deep that I wasn't sure that I would survive it at the time. The psychological experts say that childbirth, job loss, divorce, death (both my dogs passed on), and moving are some of the most stressful events that anyone can go through in their lifetime. I did them ALL in one year - 2001. I refer to it as my "not so good" year. I am over it now! Time to move on!

 Many of you who have move can appreciate what I am referring to when I say that it is not only physically exhausting, but it is emotionally draining as well. The positive side of it all is that it is a way to "free oneself" of unneeded and unwanted attachments to people and things! I have gotten rid of legal papers, old files, clothes, shoes, toys, books, and fortunately (or unfortunately) friendships that no longer were serving me and my growth as a spiritual being. Along with the giving away of "stuff," I have found HOPE, for the future, and a new positive outlook.

I would urge all of you to look through your "emotional closets, " as well as your physical surroundings to see if you are carrying burdens that you can now let go of forever. The moment is NOW - LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Hope for the Future, but seize the moment!

Those are my musings. Blessings. Karen

FRIENDS ~ Let Go and Relax

Friend ~ The title is loaded with all kinds of meaning.

Why am I writing about friendship? Because many of my clients struggle with what a "real friend" is supposed to be or do. Are friends required to be at your beck and call simply because you personally are going through a crisis? I think that all of us need to examine how much we LEAN ON our friends, and keep in mind that they too have their own "crosses to bear." You never know when you are asking someone to "lighten your emotional burden" only to find out that they are going through a tough time themselves.

  According to Wikipedia: 

The value of friendship is often the result of friends consistently demonstrating the following:

• The tendency to desire what is best for the other
• Sympathy and empathy
• Honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
• Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
• Enjoyment of each other's company
• Trust in one another
• Positive reciprocity — equal give-and-take between the two parties
• The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.

Many people call themselves Friend, although they do not act in a manner consonant with the tenets of friendship. They may take advantage of what you do or who your are in the name of "friendship." But are they really friends?

Keep in mind that if you perform some task, or have some skill in a any given area, and they ask for your services gratis, or in trade, but then get impatient and go pay for the same service elsewhere and think nothing of it. Perhaps, that is not a real friend.

After all, friendship should be instantaneous and should provide immediate gratification, to your friend's satisfaction right? Not exactly..............

If you find yourself surrounded by "negative nellies," "users," or friends who try to "keep you all to themselves," you need to ask yourself if you really need these people in your life. Sometimes you will decide that you do, and sometimes you do not. Having good friends is like "weeding a garden" - if you allow people to take advantage of you what are they?

Some of the best friends that I have had over the years I barely see, and rarely speak with, and yet when I call or write it is as if there needs to be no excuse given (they know we are all busy), no apology, (for what? They understand). With others, and with the advent of the internet, I have not personally seen them in person for many years, although we live within an hour of one another, and it doesn't feel like friends the way it used to. Nevertheless, if they reach out to you as much as you try to connect with them, then perhaps the "old spark" of familiarity still exists.

I had one friend, once, where I always drove to see her. Thought of her as a "soul sister" of sorts. Set aside time in my busy life to be there for her and connect. She would inevitably call last minute and cancel, again, with an excuse of one sort or another. Finally, I realized that the friendship was one sided. I stopped calling. The friendship ended because I gave it no energy. If something or someone is negative, starve it by giving it no energy.

At times in your life, you will have many friends especially when you are young. As you age, your friends may get sick or move, or change. Allow the tides of friendship to flow freely. Some shells of friendship will wash up on the beach intact, others will be dashed on the rocks and broken never to be fixed. It is o.k. - you will make new friends. Let go and relax. They are either there for you in a way that does not create stress or you might consider letting them go. Be at peace with your choices and with your friends. Those are my musings.

Blessings~ In love and light, Karen