Defining Commitments

Recently, I had a client into my office that had been dating a man for MANY years. In fact, she had spent most of her fertile years with him in what she thought was a "committed" relationship. She had never wanted to be bothered with children, so it was not an issue that he did not want any or that now that was not an option for her. I told her that her "committed man" of MANY years was soon to tell her that he was "moving on." She did not believe me, and wanted him to give her a "commitment ring." Not an engagement ring, but a "commitment ring." On our next appointment she confessed that indeed I had been right. What she found out was that Mr. committed was moving away to a different state and back with an old girlfriend. What my client now wanted to know was, "were we meant to be together, and will he be back?" I told her that he might come back every now and again for physical fulfillment, but not the emotional "commitment" that she was seeking. I asked her pointedly, and many of you know me well enough to know that I don't parse my words, to please define "commitment" for me in her world. She told me that it didn't include marriage in the traditional sense, but that she was looking for someone who loved her enough to stay with her for life. It would be o.k., but not necessary, for them to live together. She did not want to mingle finances. He had to have no children or grown children that she did not need to bother with all that much, and would need to like to travel with her.
I asked her what the "glue" was that was supposed to hold this utopian relationship together? She answered: "Love." I told her that in the twenty-five plus years that I have been reading for people, I have yet to see this type of arrangement between two people that did not end in someone "walking away" at some point or another because someone better had come along to be committed to! I know that seems sad, but it is true. In today's society, it seems that we want what we want with no commitments to another. Nothing to lose if we walk away if someone gets old, or sick, or frail. No money spent that is ours on another, no problems of theirs will stick to us. How sad we have become, and how shallow to believe that "love is all you need."
I am writing this today because I see plenty of selfishness in our society today, and I believe that it will be our undoing. Looking out for one's fellow man is no longer in vogue, not even if you are in a "committed relationship." When I suggested that when a person commitments their worldly goods and pledges thru marriage to "work it out" my client had plenty of ammunition to shoot down my theory on marriage. She had slept with many an unhappily "married man" and was mystified as to why they did not leave such horrific relationships. The answer was simple: They had "skin in the game" - "something to lose." They had to at least stop and think about the prior commitments that they had made. My client answered that she did not want someone staying with her because of money, or property. True, but then what constitutes commitment in our society today? Have we lost our sense of duty to God, country, and family? What do you think? What does commitment mean to you? Do you treat your spouse with the same care as you did when you were dating him/her? Maybe it is time to "try harder." Set the bar "higher" and get some integrity in our dating and relationships? I am just reporting as the Psychic. If Love is the Beginning, Commitment should be the end. My advice, look for someone who would hold your hand in a nursing home, and feed you soup if need be. I watched a husband do that for his wife the other day while visiting an old friend. Now that in my mind is COMMITMENT!

Defining Yourself In The World

I often take a moment to ask myself, how am I defined by my friends, my clients, but most importantly by my personal beliefs. What are my talents, and am I being lazy or am I working to give my best in this lifetime? I think that it is an important question to ask oneself so that our moral compass is not thrown off balance by "things owned" or "other's perceptions." We all have a public persona and a private persona. It is not uncommon for me to go through a box of kleenex a day in my office because people who come to see me are in pain about how they are living their life, and about who they have become. They don't like the way that they are being treated in the workplace and in their relationships, but they feel powerless to stop because bills need to be paid, and children need to be raised. I don't want to get to the end of my life and ask, "what just happened to me?" Therefore, it is wise to take a moment and take stock of who your true friends are, and what commitments that you have made to yourself. This takes self-discipline which is in short supply in the world by any standards. Take a moment and ask yourself; "how am I spending my time?" What does my focus need to be? Am I living an authentic life? What needs to change? What needs to remain? If you do this, you will find what you are avoiding doing, and what you need to focus on more. Those are the words of wisdom for today! Karen

Finding Time For What Matters - Not Easy, but Necessary!

With all of the running around that we all do daily, it is a wonder that we have time at all to "smell the roses" as the saying goes. I don't know about you, but I am often torn in six or more directions at once. We wear so many hats; individual, mom/dad, spouse/significant other, daughter/son, employer/employee. How to choose what to focus on?
I recently was with my daughter at the hospital because she was sick and had to go to the Emergency Room. As they wheeled in an older gentleman on a gurney, I thought to myself "there but for the grace of God go I." I can assure you he was most probably not thinking about how he could have worked harder or longer in his life at that very moment. He also may not have been thinking about how much money he had amassed and how great that was as he lay there in what looked like a very uncomfortable state. He was by himself, at the mercy of the hospital staff. No relatives I heard the ambulance man say. Hmmmm....I thought. Maybe life is not about skipping the gym and not having any children in your old age. Well, at least I have some family I thought. Better keep that gym membership! Now to prioritize. I think I am going to try HARDER to put what matters most first. How about you? Karen

What the disabled can teach us about love and life

I was reading a story in O Magazine about a woman named Monica Wood that has a disabled sister named Betty Wood. The story is entitled: What Betty Knows.  It was so touching that I thought I would link it to my blog. We take for granted and forget that we are blessed with what we call "normal lives." Clearly, it is sometimes those who are disabled that are able to show us what real love looks like.

I have a client with a disabled brother who lives in a group home. This woman is one of the most patient, loving and kind individuals because she has had a disabled brother who has taught her about what it is to be family.

When you pray, pray not for things of great value. Give thanks for little things like the ability to love deeply, hold another's hand, and watch out for another fellow human being. The world seeks perfection, and yet in the eyes of Spirit all are perfect in their own way. Seek truth and beauty, but also seek imperfection because God/Goddess can be found in unanswered prayers as well.  In love and light. Karen

How to work through blocks in your life

I have friends and clients who swear that they are doing everything possible to meet the right person and have a real relationship. I have others like myself who are a little frightened to lose weight for fear they are noticed. Being noticed has its pluses, but it has its minus' too. After all the Hawaiian saying goes: "the tallest nail gets the hammer." Fear, no matter in what area of your life can be paralyzing. Fear to change your job, fear to move on with life, fear to love deeply, fear to become famous.

 Mary Ann Williamson's quote is one that I read and TRY (I say that word carefully and with conviction) to live by daily: Here it is for all of you that need encouragement today. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

When a diagnosis of a life threatening nature happens in a family

Recently, I have had not just a few friends hit with the news that a loved one of theirs might die. This news always shocking is never easy. We feel like we have been punched in the stomach by God. How could this happen, we ask? Why us? I am always asked if this is retribution for something. The answer is I don't think so, I think that it is like fire forging the blade of a sword. Adversity strengthens us.
A dear friend of mine was fine when I saw him two months ago, and is now wheelchair bound and it is shocking on all levels. He used to out ski me on the best and brightest Colorado blue sky days! Now, unable to walk, he is adjusting to his new reality and we are doing the same. The Soul's purpose here on earth is a great mystery. Some say we are here to learn lessons. If that were the case, it would be nice to know what the lessons were in advance so we could move through them quickly and avoid the "yucky" parts. It is wise to take life day by day, and to keep your expectations in check. I have taken to saying thank you on a daily basis for each sunset and each opportunity to be with my child, and my husband. Life is too short to miss the good times. Take lots of pictures, folks. It is sweet to have memories. To all those who are hurting out there, know that I care deeply if you are o.k. There may not be time to connect often, but we will take what we can get. Right? I wish you peace, and less worries. Take Care of you. Karen

What Makes Us Feel Loved

Recently, I had the unfortunate luck of getting sick with a nasty cold. Like most people I did all the right things. Kept warm, went to bed early to get extra sleep, took echinacea tea, and more vitamin C than one can imagine. Yet, it was the hug from my ten year old daughter that made me feel truly loved. The power of the human touch is powerful, and her sweet words of "mommy, I love you" made me heal more than any medicine ever could.

By contrast, my husband, Mark, grew up in a family where your physical needs were met if you were sick but distance was kept until one felt better. If he gets sick, he goes to bed and you will see him when he emerges from his illness. We can write this off to the difference between men and women, or we can say that some people need more touch and emotion than others. Either way, honoring the person is important.

I would urge all of you to let the ones you love know what you need when you aren't feeling well. If you have a family member with a chronic condition, let your friends know what will help you to cope. We are not invincible. We are Spirits having a "human experience. "

As for me, tea, touch/hug, and an I love you very much will do.  How about you? What do you need from family and friends? Karen